"The God of Frozen Yogurt"

 (Surimi): The guilt known and the guilt unknown, memories lost, never to be returned. Memories never stored in the first place. Blackout drinking. Blackout living. Blackout dreaming.

    The electrical storm in Jim's brain. The electricity will go out. His frozen yogurt will melt. His sobriety can never restore what was never stored in the first place.

    His studying alcoholism does not create his sobriety. Nothing is retrieved. Nothing can be relived.

    The storm is over, Jim. This storm is over.

    I do not know why all of this sounds so good to me. I do not know if it is part of my disease or part of my recovery. This avalanche of frozen yogurt or the gods who melted so soon after.

    This god is dead. Long live this god.

    Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate.
 

Evening Meditation:

    Cocaine was one of many forces which sped me to my bottom. Less blackouts, more binges. I might have died a horrible death years and years later from alcohol alone. Cocaine and other drugs sped the progression of my alcoholism. Thanks, Cocaine & Company!

    “Defeat may serve as well as victory to shake the soul and let the glory out.”

Edwin Markham

from All Drinking Aside (Rough Draft, Day 54)