"I Killed Reality, Reality Killed Me Back"

    This is where the causes and effects of alcohol become more blurred than my vision was at that time. Problems propelled the drinking. The drinking caused more problems. What eased the pain of the moment caused more pain, immediate and eventual. Alcohol is as alcohol does.

   Still, I couldn’t believe that Ted was carrying my photo I.D. I couldn’t believe that he actually believed that he was me. And then attempting suicide. Was he trying to kill himself or kill his memory of me? When the plot of a dime store novel becomes the realty of your life, you feel worse than any fiction could possibly capture.

    At the same time I was asking questions about Ted, I was asking no questions of myself. Dead inside.


from All Drinking Aside (Rough Draft, Day 32)