All Drinking Aside

Like force-fed fowl grown fat before their bones have had a chance to grow, alcohol altered the maturing process and crippled me. My hollowed out bones could not support the weight of alcohol.

My head was a pumpkin carved from the inside. Collapsed. No candle ever lit. Slow motion implosion.

A building destroyed before it was ever built. I hit bottom, left with this ruin. I must pick up the pieces left living and build a new life. Destruction, deconstruction and reconstruction. It is all possible, so long as I keep moving forward. So long as I don't pick up.

 

from All Drinking Aside (Rough Draft, Chapter 72)

 

e-info: moonshine2sunshine@yahoo.com

   

The Irony is that One Day His Lie will be The Truth

And he, then, will not be believed.

Not "Like" or "As":

   My sister Betty's death was a semi-suicide. She euthanized herself with a bullet travelling through her brain not 'like' or 'as' a freight train would. A metaphorical mistake would be to say her blood caked 'like a cake'. The excess of blood that splattered was not 'like' or 'as' antimatter in the Devil's centrifuge gone wild with lack of style. Her spaghetti brain splattered, incomplete, not 'like' or 'as'.

   Splattered is as splattered does. Her absence of matter is what mattered. Meatball gone. 'Like' or 'as' if you wish it so, but only then. Wish it so and you can twirl her brain on a fork.

   Suicide was her addiction's last word.

   What's clear is 'was'.

 

from All Drinking Aside: The Destruction, Deconstruction and Reconstruction of An Alcoholic Animal (Chapter 69, Rough Draft) e-info: moonshine2sunshine@yahoo.com 

"Jimmy crack corn and I don't care, My master's gone away."

Jimmy crack corn and I must care

or I'll be take' away.

The old pathways that used to lead me to the next drink have grown over.

But they are waiting patiently to be reopened.

Again.

That old insanity waits patiently to be relived.

Sun Beam. Moon Beam.

Please just give me more Jim Beam.

Truth in Advertising

Do you want Lies with that?

The "Environment" of his brain....

...creates excuses to keep drinking despite past negative consequences.

"Bartender, let me have a scotch and soda...

...Just a little soda.

This is not what they mean when in recovery they say,

"Turn It Over!"

Did I Write this on the Ceiling or the Floor?

Neither. It was the Writing on the Wall. But

Even that Changed as I Tumbled to My Bottom.

“Birds sing after a storm. Why shouldn’t we?”- Rose Kennedy

   The young, teenaged girl, physically malformed, suffering from a severe brain disorder, stood outside the port-cochere at Trump Plaza. Somehow left alone for a very few moments as I happened to walk by, she had the composure and the demeanor of someone exquisitely rich, from the upper statospheres of class, a Kennedy or Vanderbilt, perhaps. Her wealth, inherited, could not be hidden behind her obvious physical and mental deformities.

 

    I have survived this day and my alcohol addiction and wish only to quietly pass by her, rich in my disease, my deformity. I succeed, finally, to pass by her equally noticed and not noticed, equally proud, free and not free.

 

from All Drinking Aside: The Destruction, Deconstruction and Reconstruction of An Alcoholic Animal (Chapter 63, Rough Draft) e-info: moonshine2sunshine@yahoo.com

Rose Kennedy

Alcoholism: "A Subtle Foe"

Indeed. In thought. In act. In deed.

Nobody knew...

...that everybody knew that I didn't know.

Well, whadda ya know? 

"consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds..."

...and might I add "and thoroughly entrenched addicts"?

How it almost was:

Who am I kidding? If I could control my blackouts, I wouldn't have had three day binges, now, would I?

one too many. one, two, many.

"Who Cares? Gimme another one."

Hardwired susceptibility to alcohol addiction?

Ralph Waldo Emerson (pictured) may not have been, but I believe, if not hardwired, at the very least, I am "Wired Weird". Learning to 'live sober' would take major rewiring of my brain. Give me a clue, Nancy Drew.

SPOILER ALERT: The Last Sentence of "All Drinking Aside" will not be...

"There and then, I decided to never again eat a salad." 

You're going to die anyway, so you might as well drink.

Any excuse will do when it comes to relapse. There just happens to be no good reason for an addict to pick up.

Alcoholism: As Plain as the Nose on My Face

Denial: As Plain as the Face on My Nose.

I Was 100% Drunk in 76% of My Reality.

...Alright then, 100% Drunk in 100% of My Reality.

Hopscotch. Butterscotch. Drink Scotch. Dread.

Alcohol, alcohol. Up in my Head.

Can't Stop. Don't Stop. Won't Stop. Dead.

Crime Tape, Slime Tape, Scotch Tape. More.

Alcohol, alcohol. No more More.

This Drawing is Cute

But its Meaning is Moot

As the Truth that is Truth is quite Mute.

In the beginning, a new life without alcohol seemed totally undesirable.

I could not have known how totally wrong I was.

My disease wouldn't let me.

Like Me, This Guy is Wired Weird!

A,A, does not charge

"Those Were the Days, My Friend, We Thought They'd Never End...

But They Did End, Have Ended.

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."

That, courtesy of Albert Einstein, as illustrated by M. C. Escher.

The sooner you start drinking up,

The sooner you stop growing up.

The Injection of Truth.

    Slow the injection of truth. Insert the needle of truth into my vein, into my brain, slowly.

     First, hold the needle upright. Squeeze out any air. Leave only the clear, the liquid, the truth.

      Inject me slowly. I want to want to watch that crystal clarity enter my vein.

       The truth, too fast, could only scare me.

        Inject me slowly, or quickly watch me die.

from All Drinking Aside: The Destruction, Deconstruction and Reconstruction of An Alcoholic Animal, Chapter 63 (Rough Draft) e-info.: moonshine2sunshine@yahoo.com