(Potatoes on a Train: Simulation)

(Potatoes on a Train: Simulation)

    Here I am old and sober, just one notch above dead and drunk. But I really, really can't do this alone, no matter how sober, no matter how long sober. Being responsible is neither a command nor a suggestion. I am a novice in November, the November of my years, learning so late in life to live soberly.

    I am living responsibly today. One day these clothes may fit more loosely, less restrained. Free.

Evening Meditation:

    Rest and relaxation. Exercise and action. The ebb and flow of life. I could have none of that balance in my drinking life. Alcohol was my clock. The time between drinks was not the time drinking. Blackouts: black lines where the time should have appeared on a train or bus schedule. Alcohol does not stop at this station. The train does not stop at this station. Please proceed to the club car.

    Wake up. Go home. This is the last stop.

    “When we allow ourselves to feel our feelings, what should be intolerable becomes intolerable.”

Kenny Loggins

 

from All Drinking Aside (Rough Draft, Day 57)