Daily Commitment

 (Vatchi): I guess Jim would have to have an indefinable sense of guilt. He did those things. They were his life. There would have to be remorse, loss, a million emotions dealt with and not dealt with as a result of his disease.

   It's no wonder that most alcoholics need to help each other find a new life, a sober life, a productive life... a self.

   The scariest thing about being a suspected murder witness is that because of my alcoholism, if not a witness to this particular murder, I could have witnessed another murder and never known it. Those more religious than I might be inclined to say that that was God's will. I'm more inclined towards pure luck.  

   It's bad enough that I was the intended murder victim on three different drunken occasions over the years. Intent and outcome unrelated, at least not always a case of cause and effect.

   Cause and effect are almost immaterial. Were not alcohol in the picture, it's more than likely that none of this would have happened. But, damn it, alcohol was behind and in front of everything I did. The important thing here is to remain sober, make a daily commitment to sobriety and live a sober lifestyle.


f
rom All Drinking Aside (Rough Draft, Day 53)