New Math

    I have to pace my sobriety just like I used to try to pace my drinking. But I paced my drinking for all the wrong reasons. To please others and to kid myself that I was not 'powerless' over my drinking, that I had some kind of control. Pacing my sobriety means slowing down, focusing, finding patience, persistence, reassurance, confidence, conviction.

   The reality of my sobriety surpasses any hype. My tenuous moments of tranquility surpass flash, Jack. Just "Call me Mellow Yellow".
 

Evening Meditation:

  
    The old math was calculating how many more drinks I could have and how many less hours of sleep I could sustain to come to with alarm clock blaring. The old math was calculating how many hours it would take the next day before I could continue the vicious cycle again. My old math measured time in ounces and quarts, in urges and surges and blurs, blarings and bounces, bangles and jangles and booze.

    This new math is sane and sober: one is one is won. 
from All Drinking Aside (Rough Draft, Day 41)