Forgive Alcohol

 (Vatchi): That attractive numbness enticing you, Sotto, that is not where the fear starts, Sotto. That is where the fear is buried. In that dumb numbness.

   Like the child beaten by a punishing father. Loving the person who just beat you down if for no other reason than he's your father. A child's forgiveness.

    The alcoholic forgives the punishments that Alcohol metes out. "I will forgive you, Alcohol. I am the bad one. Give me now your love, your forgiveness, your soothing. Numb me now with one more drink."

    That is part of what is behind Jim's words, Sotto.


    Zombie yearnings. Is that all this zombie yearned for? An answer to the more of something? For what?
   The Zombie does not ask or answer or yearn. The Zombie plods forward.

   This is all just so unimaginable.

   My mind, burnt toast, seeks the God of Frozen Yogurt. Zombie security. Zombie peace.
   Where am I? Am I around this next corner?

from All Drinking Aside (Rough Draft, Day 54)