Bonsai Bastard

(Sotto): I don't know if I can feel as empty as Jim has felt. Knowing the cause does not erase the effects of his emptiness. I don't think I've ever felt an emptiness quite like that.

    This street on which I live, this street which is my mind, now clean, now calm, now well-lit, could not have been imagined considering all I've gone through to get here. This journey forward that I am on will continue to set me free. I will turn over my fears, let go the falling leaves of time. Let snow begin to fall.

(Vatchi): Empty is a good starting place when you want to start over, Sotto. You may feel empty, but the things that got you there may still be hanging around, like the drink, always within arm's reach.

    Emptiness is a feeling, lack thereof, and an illusion. "People, Places and Things."

    Hope snowballs. Recovery seems possible. I am becoming a person, a sober person, still young in my sobriety and getting older in years.

    Like an alcoholic bonsai bastard, I am clinging to this rock, well-weathered, alive.

    If I have a drink, I won't have a snowball's chance in hell.

    A bonsai bastard am I.

    And I'm okay with that. Today, today.

from All Drinking Aside (Rough Draft, Day 47)