Zombie waiting lines- I'm standing in line for my cafeteria tray at the Lakewood Hospital , my first real rehab. High on Librium, looking and feeling like death. Dragging my feet with my body following and my mind two steps further back. I am on my way to discover my new god. My new god is frozen yogurt. When more was not enough, that was the avalanche of alcohol. More is not enough: Alcohol. More is enough: Frozen Yogurt God. Zombie trudge. Trudge, fudge, nudge, drudge. Left, right, left, right. Zombie feeding time. Mmmmm. mmmm, God.
The yogurt seemed enough, was enough, until the Librium wore off. Then the God of Frozen Yogurt melted. So maybe it wasn't the frozen yogurt at all that was my new god. My new god would be the Librium until every cell in my body had mourned the death of alcohol. I kept switching gods: alcohol, Librium, frozen yogurt, then back to Librium.
If only getting sober meant only getting sober. Oh, how easy it would be. But that is not how it is writ. A few days sober doesn't change too much of anything. When the Librium wore off, all I wanted was another drink. And to stop melting.
from All Drinking Aside (Rough Draft, Chapter 54)
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