Beethoven's Fifth?

　　 I remember thinking something like "without alcohol, I am nothing." Back then my sense of self-identity was so tied  up in the drink. I did not think of alcohol as my crutch, but rather, as my inspiration. I had bought wholesale, retail and at half price, the belief that alcohol was the taproot from which my creative processes grew.
　
　　 To suffer for my art- that was the grand illusion, my biggest excuse. The "holes in time," as Matt, an AA buddy, calls it.
　

　　 All the lies, truths, half-truths, everything that has happened to me, have brought me here and I can be happy

now. Free of alcohol, I have access to my spirit. "Catch the beat. Dance your feet."

       Go figure.

from All Drinking Aside (Rough Draft, Chapter 83)