It's never just me.

　　 Those drunken, imaginary and insane fears were no less real than the factual fears of a knife at my throat, a gun in my back or the rest of my blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, drunken reality. Fear, a beating in my head when I had no drum. Pounding. Pounding.　

　　 Sobriety has helped me rid the imaginary fears so that I can better face the real ones. Alcoholic friends (in sobriety) instead of an alcoholic drink in my hand. It really took me about five years of sobriety for it to begin feeling comfortable, sustainable. 　

　　 I stand a chance in recovery when I maintain some sense of "we". When it's just me, it's never just me. Alcohol and my alcoholism are always here. Beside me and inside me.

from All Drinking Aside (Rough Draft, Chapter 70)