Saturday, October 6, 2012

One Trick Pony?

(Vatchi): .... His progress in recovery is slow and tedious and now you're mocking and oblivious. He'll hold up the truth for all eyes to see and then hide himself behind a joke.

   Jim's still in the holding cell. He's still hurting. He still lives in fear. He still uses ego as a weapon.      
        
      Sotto, look behind his words.

   I couldn't stop drinking. Who in their right mind would wake up after spending a fortune while in a blackout and continue drinking? The "Fucked Up Stops Here" never happened. The instant my blackout would start, I was feeding my disease and nothing else. If alcoholism is insane, blackout drinking is even more insane.  

   It's so easy after a few years of being sober to wonder why I didn't stop drinking. And it became so easy after a few years of sobriety to forget how insane it was. That is why, for me, connection with other alcoholics is so key to my continuing sobriety.  

   "Staying stopped"- that's the trick. Please, lucky horseshoe, let me be a one-trick pony.


from All Drinking Aside (Rough Draft, Chapter 51)


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