EPIPHANY:

    I didn't realize it until now, but I was a dry drunk during the period I didn't drink, smoke pot or take sedatives or speed in the 1970's....

   I was in the drink without the drink. Two months physically drug-free did not make me mentally free. Unknown to me, I was already a prisoner of alcohol, with or without the drink. I was lost at sea sober with no guidelines and no quick reinforcement. Two months sober with a little transcendental meditation under my belt could not possibly be instantly great. There is no 'instant' sober and I was used to instant relief and escape through drugs and alcohol and because transcendental meditation was not fast enough for me, I thought it could never work for me. Impetuous youth? Hardly. Hardcore Alkie, Baby. Hardcore.

Drunk without the drink. Meditate on that.


from All Drinking Aside (Rough Draft, Chapter 20)