Control

(Vatchi):　

In control. Out of control. The illusion of control. Only an alcoholic has this perpetually deepening illusion of control despite continually worsening negative consequences. The disease is hard at work. Social drinkers do not drink like this. "Why doesn't he just stop?" The social drinker does not understand this alcoholic insanity.
　
　　 The die may have been cast at Jim's birth, through heredity, but each drink slowly soldered shut some door.
　
　　 Slowly.
　
　　 Soldered.
　
　　 Shut.

from All Drinking Aside (Rough Draft, Chapter 22)