Herding Cats

There is the mental illness that is alcoholism and the mental illness beyond alcoholism that my alcoholism has caused. Hitting my bottom brought on a state of severe clinical depression. There is the insanity of alcoholism and the further insanities that alcoholism sometimes cause.

Survival and addiction meet at ground zero. In the white light outside the emergency room in the dead of night, in a drunken epiphany, I hit bottom, the sum of all memories undissolved by alcohol, a life of alcoholism, my resentful teacher.

This world seems more wounded as I slowly heal.

(Surimi): When Jim said, "We are alcoholics," I was so pleased. 'Safety in numbers' to those who understand the power of alcohol and the powerlessness of the alcoholic. And for those who decide that 'the herd instinct' with all its negative connotations is not for them, I would have to say that except for rare instances the help of others is almost always needed in the battle with addiction. How could the same unaided brain diseased by alcoholism recover solely under its already diseased power? I don't know, Sotto, Vatchi, but some few can.

Alcohol is "a subtle foe," indeed.

And Jim? Subtle? Not so much.

Herd the cats in my brain, my alcoholic brain....

 

from All Drinking Aside (Rough Draft, Chapter 50)