Thursday, July 19, 2012

Hatred and Self-Doubt

Is all of this doing me or anyone else any good? Should I care? Should I persevere? Do I really need the help of others to stay sober today? I did before, but do I still?
Sick of myself. Sick of my disase. Go ahead. Paste your hatred on me. Use those childish scissors so that you do not hurt yourself. Paste your hatred on me. Cut dark red, dark blue and dark green construction paper. No yellow, never any yellow. Open that big, white plastic jar of white glue, dried on top from exposure to the air. Use that horse hair brush to break through to that soft, white, gluey center beneath.
Paste your hatred on me. Use short brush strokes. Paste it until you can taste it.
(Sotto): Gone. I’m outta here. He's crazier than a bedbug. How did he get this way? This can’t be good. Can't be. 
There is too much hatred in the world. Hoping, wishing it were not so would not change that. I have my doubts that praying could change things. Is there power in positive thinking? Maybe not for the world. But, maybe for my world.
 
from All Drinking Aside (Rough Draft, Chapter 58)

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