Insanity's Bouquet

   Why is it so difficult to let go of a past I can barely remember? And blackout after blackout with no memories at all. The curse of suffering, the pain of suffering, muted or distorted by alcohol. Ground zero: The suffering grinds to a halt.

   I was zero. Those around me enabled me or ignored me. I ignored myself (alcohol did not ignore me).

   Poison. Prison. Nothing. (Can you smell the steel, the stench of nothingness?)

   Insanity's bouquet.

from All Drinking Aside (Rough Draft, Day 71)