All I know for sure is that the people, places and things I was surrounded by in my very first year of sobriety were not conducive to my continuing sobriety. How naïve was I to think and believe that I could remain sober tending bar that very first year? Today, I know that I need to live sober in order to remain sober.
And I have learned that for me, this, I cannot do this alone. Maybe someday. But not this day. Not today.
So long as I stay on my current path of recovery, my life will continue to be good. I know this and I believe this, if I, indeed, believe anything at all.
Living in the here and now, instead of in the next drink, I am not so hurried or anxious. Anxiety: the anxiety of living drunk is the anxiety of knowing that this drink in my hand is not the solution, but the next one.... Maybe the next one.
"Fuck you." That was me right there.
Talking to myself again.
from All Drinking Aside (Rough Draft, Day 82)
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