"Resentment"

    A major epiphany of my sobriety has been the realization that I had gone from "You'd drink, too, if... (fill in the blank)" to (after a long, long period of sobriety) "You're the reason I can't drink!" Viva la difference! This did not happen overnight. Sobriety is a process.

 

    "Just for Today," "One Day at a Time" and a dozen other catch phrases from Alcoholics Anonymous (most significantly, "The Serenity Prayer") have been my roadblocks to "I'll show them!" and dozens of other triggers.

 

    One circumstance after another presents itself as another reason that I can't drink.

 

(Vatchi): All we have is now, Sotto. The drunken TV show host is gone. The anonymous drunk and disorderly nuisance is gone. Jim clings to these memories to keep himself fearful. The sirens are calling him to drink 'on the rocks'. "Surrender to win" is a tough, tough sell. Until the alcoholic learns that there is no alternative.

 

    And with the first drink "now" ends and the old insanity begins again.


from All Drinking Aside (Rough Draft, Day 77)