Before I hit bottom my first time I felt as if I had no choice. Drinking was all I knew. Sobriety was not an attractive option. Unknowable. Sobriety would be an absence, a void I could not suffer. All my 'people, places and things' were immersed in alcohol. Addicts don't quit on the basis of one or two negative consequences. Using despite negative consequences is at the core of addiction's definition. It took repeated bursts of my alcoholic champagne bubbles for my Alcoholic Stock Market to crash (mixed metaphor, no doubt). The idea of successful control of my drinking had to be smashed. In the meantime, I remained smashed. I could not stop and then I could not stay stopped.
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