For Whom the Landmark Tolls....

　　 I was a blackout drinker and eventually blacked out almost every night, far more often than not. This is not normal, but it became　normal for me, gradually, over the course of over a decade, I guess. I accepted blackouts as a given. Each small change brought on by my increasing dependence on alcohol became part of the new and accepted fabric of my life.

　　 One time, I woke up in the shadow of Independence Hall, the Philadelphia landmark, not remembering who I had been with or how I got there. Another total blackout yet not a wake up call? How could that have been?

　

　　 But it was alright. Somehow I would be alright. It'll be alright. I lied to myself, to others. I bent the truth. I somehow got to work in Atlantic City only (only, what a dangerous word)　three hours late. Somehow it would work out. Somehow I would be alright. Somehow, a drink would make all this bearable again. Plow through the consequences to that drink at the end of the tunnel.

from All Drinking Aside (Rough Draft, Day 20)